Auto-Rant: Things I Love To Hate

Posted on December 8, 2010

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These are the things I love to hate related to driving:

1. Tiny cars in a parking space that you think is empty. Ever went flying down a row of occupied parking spaces with your eye on this parking space in the distance? In your heart it’s like water in the desert. Then you reach the spot and realize the water is just sand. Some vehicle the size of a riding lawn mower is in the parking space. It makes me want to ram the car into a little metal ball!

2. Bad drivers wreck my nerves like no other. But in all reality we all have been a bad driver at some point. Truth of the matter is some people take bad driving to an all new level.

  • The 5 mph below the speed limit driver. I’m glad you want to be safe, but can you do this some other time. I have places to be.
  • The i’m gonna drive slow in the fast lane driver. Okay, you’re probably annoyed because people keep flashing their lights at you and tailgating. Is that correct!? Well, probably because the occasional sign on the right that says ‘Slower Traffic Keep Right’. So your vendetta to payback all those other annoyed drivers is a little childish. Pull your 1-cylinder vehicle over in the right lane now or I’m going to make a citizens arrest!
  • The i’m so busy that I don’t have time to look up and see the light is green driver. These are the drivers that are so busy that they don’t have time to drive. Occasionally you won’t see their head, because they’re searching in, around, or under their seat for something. LOOK, if you’re that gosh darn busy hire a chauffeur. Then you can make burgers on your George Foreman grill from your backseat for all I care.
  • The courtesy signal light driver. This driver is a complete hazard. They’re the one who put their signal light on 2 inches before they make a right turn. They knew 10 seconds ago they were going to make a turn, but they decided it was only important to tell you once your bumper was ‘making out’ with theirs. They actually don’t understand the importance of the signal light.
  • The driver who hasn’t given his car an oil change since the wheel was invented. Seriously dude, I’m sitting behind you now suckin’ all the vapors in from your death machine. This is the driver whose car smells so bad for lack of an oil change that you are forced to roll up your windows. Pray for him, because he’s going to be walking one day soon…
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Posted in: Life